I'm Bachelorette #1

Because I'm on so many event email lists in Chicago, I'd heard about the "Retro Dating Game" at a restaraunt/bar in River North a few times. I was excited: how cool would it be to actually be a contestant, let alone win an awesome date? Monday and Tuesday I spent trying to wrangle up some girlfriends to go, but no. Everyone was either busy or dating someone already. As a last resort, I put an ad up in the "strictly platonic" section of Craig's List to see if any other girls wanted to come along. I was slightly nervous about doing this, not being big on meeting people off the internet, but so many of my friends are Craig's List addicts that I thought it would be fine. Besides, I just wanted to go out, damnit.

Things worked out so that my co-worker (who's not single, but was at least not busy) came out, and we met up with two fun girls at the restaurant. With publicity in both TimeOut Chicago (a weekly magazine) and the RedEye (a free daily newspaper), I expected it to be a meat market, heaving with hordes of unattached hotties. Not so. While there were plenty of people there, most were girls. Guess guys don't like signing up for things.

With 50-cent mini hamburgerse and $5 cocktails--plus the free cocktail shots they kept bringing around--we were golden. I downed a few drinks of liquid courage and waited to hear if I would be one of the contestants. Sure enough, the certifiable "wacky host," Dick O'Day, began with a hugely embarassing song that segued into calling up the three lucky ladies. "Bachelorette #1 enjoys traveling to exotic places, going to SummerDance, and getting hit by cars." It was me! Bachelorette #1!

For anyone not familiar with "The Dating Game" (or who hasn't seen The Office: Christmas Special"), three bachelors/bachelorettes are seated on one side of a partition. We were blindfolded while they led the bachelor to his side of the stage. He wasn't allowed to see us, either, only able to ask us questions to determine who he'd pick as his date.

Can I just say that I kicked some major ass? For real--the other bachelorettes were completely lame with their answers. Not only was I specific, I was also slightly dirty AND hilarious. To wit:

Question: Describe your perfect date.
Other girls: "There should be good food, good dancing, and good conversation." HELLO--LAME!
My answer: "We'd start out by going swing dancing or salsa dancing, because I like a man who can move his body. Then we'd have cocktails at some classy lounge or bar, and would wind up by looking at the skyline, either by driving down Lake Shore Drive, or perhaps parking at the Planetarium."
See? Take some notes, girls!

Question: What's your favorite pick-up line?
Other girls: "I don't use pick up lines; I get picked up." DOUBLY LAME!
My answer: "Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job? No? Let's do lunch."
OOOH, THAT WAS GOOD. The crowd loved it.

Needless to say, I WON! WOO HOO! I was so proud. The bachelor and I got tons of swag, which included:
~a free year of TimeOut Chicago magazine
~a free pass to the Museum of Contemporary Art's First Fridays (normally $15)
~various coupons/VIP passes, etc.

And my personal favorites:
~a keychain vibrator and Uberlube
~a bottle of wine
~a 3-month gym membership

PLUS if I ever do contact my bachelor (which might be unlikely, since he wasn't exactly my "type," or any of my friends', for that matter), we can go to a wine place and have a "flight" of wine tastings, plus a free classical music concert at Ravinia, an outdoor festival.

All I've got to say is: I RULE.