Another One Bites The Dust
And another one, and another one...
At the start of college I was sure I'd be attending a rash of weddings immediately after graduation. Surely everyone would find their life partner in school, as our parents' generation did, and get hitched directly upon graduating. Not so. Only two friends got married the summer after graduation (to each other), and I'd only been a bridesmaid once (my sophomore year). I was disappointed.
Slowly, the engagements started popping up like mushrooms after a rain (always somewhat surprising, although they shouldn’t be). Over the past year I became accustomed to the idea of my high school friends nattering on about bridesmaid dresses and bridal showers. My “just-after-graduation” theory got scrapped in favor of the current “during/after-grad-school” theory, one that will be validated as more of my friends complete their degrees. One of my friends recently told me of a study that released findings showing people meet their future partner while completing their highest level of education. Hence the old trend of lawyers marrying lawyers. Dang it, people: spread the wealth!
This summer it has finally begun: I have three weddings. Two down (plus one as a date), one to go; one trip to Iowa, one to the ‘burbs, two back home. Each has been a memorable affair, beginning with a wedding where one of my two ex’s attending told me I’d “emotionally scarred him for a year—but that’s okay.” We then segued into a dry vegan wedding, and rounded off this past weekend with the groom’s grandmother doing the dance to “YMCA.” Next month is the home stretch, but there’s a potential autumn wedding, with next summer already looming ahead.
Don’t get me wrong: I adore weddings. It’s merely that I’m torn between jealousy (how come they’re in love when I can’t even get a date?) and skepticism (they’re so young, will it last?). I can’t help but compare my own experience—or lack thereof—to my friends. I’m not ready to get married—how can they possibly be? I can only shudder when I think about my friends having babies.
While the friends who’ve been married several years all seem to be doing a fine job, I can’t help but continuously think about one of my college acquaintances. He and his girlfriend were possibly the worst match I’ve ever seen, and it was a real surprise when they actually got married. Recently, he contacted me on Friendster. His profile listing? Single, looking for dating/relationship with women. What a novel way to discover his marriage didn’t even last a year.
So when one of my friends recently announced her intention to get married this fall (with a four-month engagement), I have to wonder: will it last? With celebrities like Brad Pitt attempting to redefine the idea of a “successful” marriage, one has to wonder if something that lasts more than five years and then runs its course can be considered a failure or not. In the meantime, I’ll smile and present my gift, all the while dreaming of my brunet Scandinavian architect.
Labels: Chicago
posted by Theresa @ 6/21/2005 08:53:00 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I'm sure marriage works for some people, but I don't think it is what nature intended - people change so easily over time.
I prefer the concept of a 'commitment contract' for a given length of time, with the option to renew if it works out.
Perhaps I'm just not ready either though...
With celebrities like Brad Pitt beginning to redefine the idea of a “successful” marriage, .
You know I've got to weigh in on this tangent, it seems like people are always blaming "Hollywood" people and their supposedly immoral lifestyles for social trends among the rest of the populace and I've never quite gotten that. The "1 in 2 marriages end in divorce" statistic has been around since at least the mid-1980's and that has fuck-all to do with Brad Pitt, or whoever the equivalent of Brad Pit was in the mid-1980's. I really don't think movie stars do drugs, crash cars, get divorced etc. in significantly higher proportions than the rest of us, and if they do, it has more to do with their money than how they make that money, i.e. by being in movies and things. Their fame just means they get on more magazine covers.
-Rory
I commented on Brad Pitt merely because:
a.) I read waaay too many celebrity magazines for my own good
b.) I find it dryly amusing that a marriage ending in divorce could ever be termed "successful." A successful marriage, in my book, doesn't end at all. There might be rough spots at times, and perhaps a trial separation down the road, but they stick through it and make it work in the long run.
Which is why I can't fathom being married. I can get sick of my roommates if I see them too much--I can't imagine having to be around the same person every single day for the next 60 years.
Count me on the "I'm not ready" side.
It would be interesting to see if, in 100--or even 50--years, the notion of "marriage" would be almost akin to "going steady." If you truly love someone and want to share your life with them (for whatever duration of time the relationship lasts), then you sign a couple of papers, get your bank accounts merged, and voila! you've made that sterling committment until it tarnishes.
I like to think I'm very liberal when I go around saying "It should be easier to get divorced and harder to get married." I hate to see people--from Britney Spears to my separated friend--get in and out of marriages so quickly that they shouldn't have gotten into in the first place. I have the same view on abortion: if people don't get pregant without wanting to, wouldn't there be a lot less abortions? Same with marriage: if people didn't get married too quickly, for the wrong reasons, or to the wrong person, they wouldn't need to get divorced. Hence my radical notion of mandatory pre-marriage counselling. Sure, Vegas would take a nosedive in all those 48-hr-long marriages, but who knows? A boom could be created in the marriage councelling industry.
As far as monogamy, Tom, I'd be interested in what you have to say. I adore the fact that Canadian geese stay monogamous throughout their lives, so please don't burst that bubble! (And always keep in mind that as sentient beings, we can often transcend our basic biological urges.)
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