Queque The Morrissey*

*"My Love Life"

Those of you who know me well know my love life has not been devoid of excitement. For all my protestations about not dating someone until I found a new job, I have actively had my heart broken, broken hearts, and have been a participant in confusing situations on many an occasion. Fact is, I only put up the prior post because it made such a good story, something so much more interesting than "I met a friend of a friend, we dated and I either didn't like him or he didn't like me."

Tonight was the big Missed Connections date. Like any girl, I had a clothing crisis and spent too much time fussing over hair and makeup. And as for the date with J.? To explain--no, there is too much. To sum up:

• He was just as cute as I remembered
• Even though I wore 4-inch heels, he was still much taller
• He's quite fit from playing soccer every week
  
• He studied abroad in Rome and in Brighton
• He's an associate creative director at an ad agency
• He went to NYU
• Oh, and he's MARRIED
  

That's right. MARRIED.

----

Since the bar we wanted to go to is unexpectedly closed on Tuesdays, we meet on the street and proceed to a nearby pub. Just about to enter, I ask a question.

T: Do you have roommates?
J: Um... Remember how you asked me if I was single? Did you hear me say 'probably not'?
T: I wasn't sure that's what you said. I mean, it was kind of weird.
J: Well, I'mmarriedbutIthoughttomyselflet'sseewhatthisgirl'slike. And hopefully I may get a friend out if it.
T: ?!?!?

There we are, practically opening the door to the bar. I give him the benefit of the doubt, as I always do: he should be allowed to make friends. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to give up interactions with people, right?

We talk, and he laughs delightedly at everything I say. After two drinks I decide I've had enough; an hour is sufficient. As we're leaving, I address the elephant in the room:

T: You know, normally I'd have a few more drinks and invite you back to my place, but you're MARRIED.
J: (chidingly) Don't say that...

I don't bother pressing, so we walk towards my place without saying much. What is there to say? I'd given him plenty of opportunities to bring up his matrimonial state, asking leading questions like "What do you do in your spare time?" [with your WIFE?]. He mentioned her only once, and that in an aside.

Nothing is truly amiss until we stop to look at a house under construction. Pardon me if I'm wrong, but I believe he attempted to put his hand on my arm in a sickly sort of embrace. I quickly start walking again, and we're just about to cross over to my street when he says:

J: Would you like to get another drink sometime?
T: That depends. Would your WIFE be okay with your having female friends?
J: Probably not. She probably wouldn't like me having female friends as hot as you.
T: Well, I'm always looking to add to my collection of PLATONIC guy friends.

We're crossing the street as we say the above, and I hurry us the few steps to my apartment building, where we awkwardly pause. J. obviously wants something--a kiss, an embrace, who knows--so I offer him a platonic tidbit: I say he can shoot me an email sometime.

J: (attempting to be sexy) Oh, you know I will...

And thus the night finishes, leaving me simultaneously abashed, embittered, and alive to the humor in the situation. Of all the ways for a date to go badly, this has to be one of the most stupendously horrendous. He's married. And not even slimy enough to hate--rather sweet in an awkward way, and obviously lonely and confused.

----

I remained a bit confused myself. Calling my girlfriend for solace, I tried to convince myself that it was more innocent than it seemed.
T: If he was really trying to have an affair, he would have taken off his wedding ring and not mentioned his wife. He was actually being honest.
S: Au contraire! A lot of guys who have affairs tell the Other Woman that they're married. Then they can't be accussed of lying--
T: --and the woman knows he'll never leave their wife. I get it.

And I also get the advice my friend N. told me:

ALWAYS CHECK HOT GUYS' FINGERS FOR A WEDDING RING.